Love Actually :)

The month of February is upon us, and it is befitting I talk about love. No generalizations, no definitions. Only, the changing meanings of love to me. So I was reading an interesting article on the origin of Valentine’s Day and discovered that it was a day linked to denial, cruelty and death and not love at all. I thought to myself, “Wtf!” but read on. Saint Valentine (love doctor in Hitch anyone?) was martyred on 14^th February, 269 A.D because he helped to marry off couples in secret, even after the cruel Roman Emperor Claudius II had forbidden all marriages and engagements in Rome. He left a farewell note for the jailer’s daughter, (in love or friendship I don’t know) signed, “From your Valentine.” It was the forerunner for later Valentines, with 14^th February being declared the Day of Love. And thus begins the stories of the heartache and the heartbreak.

“My thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all….”

When I was twelve, my art teacher asked us all to make a Valentine card for our mothers. She was met with aghast silence. The word boyfriend or girlfriend still set us off in a frenzy of giggles, having a meaning we were yet to be acquainted with. Our teacher told us that love existed between all bonds, not only between a girl and boy. Our mothers, who love us unconditionally, truly deserved the biggest Valentine’s Day card! And it dispelled my notion that it was a day to celebrate only romantic love. It felt most heartwarming when one of my best friends sent me a Valentine’s card, years later. (That the card got lost in mail is another sad story L.) Often, in friendship, we forget to remind our friends (and ourselves) how much we cherish them. (This year I’ve snagged a Facebook Valentine, a Twitter Valentine and a Skype Valentine!;) ) If you’re reading this, my friends (and you better be!), there is so much love in my heart for you. Erk, and before this gets too sappy, I’m moving on. :P

“….I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits….”

I bet I’m not the only girl here who has spent a considerably inappropriate amount of time taking Love Tests, calculating love on the Love Meter online, reading (badly written) romance and chick lit novels and analyzed what every word, look, gesture, yawn, scratch (and the like) of our crush means. Well, maybe not the scratching. :P I for one, have given unhealthy weight to romantic comedies, willing myself to believe that fairytale love does exist and that one kiss (oh, the one that makes you swoon, you ignoramus!) will set anything right. Ignoramus me, much? I would like to believe not, but that’s the conclusion I have drawn from my experience.  I’m not a cynic when it comes to love, nor am I bitter about love. What a way that would be to kill the romance! But I do believe it is important to keep things real. If things are too gooey, you’re gonna end up in a sticky situation. I read a refreshing take on love by a TV actor who was going to be married a second time. He said that in the long run the teenage dream love (ah, Katy Perry, you live a short-lived dream) goes out of the window and it is replaced by something more solid: commitment and respect. I liked that, the no-frills honesty yet I long for something different.

“….No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves….”

I have gleaned, from the endless conversations I have had with two of my closest friends, that each of us has a vastly different perspective on love.  We were like a first class level lever (…and I cannot believe I am using physics to explain this!). Friend A was the Load in the sense that she had her head on her shoulders even when it came to matters of the heart. Friend B, on the other hand, was the Effort, always making the ‘effort’ (bad pun :P) to keep the spark from dissipating, believing in everlasting, fairytale love. And I (the Fulcrum in my scenario) hovered somewhere in the middle, afraid to tilt on either side too much. I have learned much from both (you know who you are J), but yet I struggle to know what I really want, what this love really means to me. When you think you have it pinned down, this curiously elusive thing, it throws you off and you set search, yet again. Maybe that’s the beauty of love, discovering and re-discovering; losing and finding again. Happy Valentine’s Day!

“….Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. 
ever thine, 
ever mine,
ever ours."

Let's Smoooooch!

To keep up with the spirit of things, here’s a few links that might be interesting. J

http://in.specials.yahoo.com/valentine/lovebytes-detail/post/valentine_lovebytes/26/say-it-with-flowers.html

http://www.sparknotes.com/valentines-day/2010/1

http://www.someecards.com/valentines-day-cards/most-sent-today


- Apoorva Sahay