Between the lines

She was pure, unsullied, naïve.

He was worldly wise, the “bad boy”, the player.

She was persecuted- the one everyone picked on.

He was influential, he controlled the waters there.

She found him obnoxious.

Her thoughts never crossed his mind.

Mutual friends got their paths to cross once.

She found him good natured and friendly.

He found her funny.

The ice had broken.

He started talking to her electronically.

She responded.

He was amused.

She was intrigued.

They spoke all day once.

She spilled her guts out to him and let him in, inside her life and mind.

He seemed sympathetic and told her he’d take care of it.

She began looking forward to their virtual conversations.

One time they left the digital haven to meet up in the real world. A flurry of rumours encircled them and their equation was misconstrued.

She shrugged it off as idle talk and continued texting with the same fervor.

He stopped replying as much.

She expected response.

He’d somehow stopped giving it.

She stalked his facebook profile as girls do.

She was aware of his presence always when he was nearby.

He did not show any outward sign of change or discontent.

He did not acknowledge her- no looks, no words.

She is afraid of talking to him in public.

She imagines situations where they would be thrown together and imagines how their conversation would go.

He couldn’t really care less.

She always falls for boys of this breed.

He will never know what it is like to love a girl like her.

She knows she should just forget about it all.

He hardly thinks of her.

She does not want to fall for him.

He never will.

By Nirmitee Mehta

Emerging from dark chasms

“Do you know the last time I felt joy? Chuck had brought me into his darkness for so long, I've forgotten what that felt like”

“You may not be aware of it but it’s not all light and bright in here. There are some places devoid of even a hint of sparkle”

- Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)

Her darkness came from the people around her. She left her old life and came here- came here for more. She came happy and happy she believed she would be for the time she was here.

She didn’t think it to be any fault of hers. Why the people around her had suddenly started behaving differently. All that she could think of was her having gotten close to a single person. For centuries, those a little separate from the others, those not a part of the herd have been viewed with suspicion.

She however did not do anything that would warrant such behavior. To all of them she was nothing but polite, cordial, warm, if a little distant, something that came from her lifelong insecurity when faced with a group of people. The rest of them started by inching away from them and then they were shunned from the group. She can’t remember exactly when the hate started. She’d never seen anything like it earlier. A sunshine protected soul always, never before had such behavior assailed her. The hate comments reverberating in the air all around her were hard enough to take. In the wake of this she drew the only person she was close to, closer still, making in haste and at a bad moment, a choice she would regret, not only by going into something she wasn’t ready for, but also making way for more hate coming her way along with a lot more isolation when that person suddenly removed himself from it all, leaving her— in a mess she’d gotten into primarily because of him- to face the heat by herself.

She maintains a brave front in front of the rabblement. She smiles more often now. People with no idea what’s going on think it means she’s completely happy there- the sound of her laugh echoes the valley. If they only caught her off guard at a moment of desperation when her mind and her eyes feel dead. She remains stoic, ignoring the verbal and literal trash being thrown her way, pretending to the world that it doesn’t affect her one bit, wondering all the time how long can this charade go on? When will the cruelty end? Nobody but she knows how deep the wounds of laughter at her expense and pleasure in her misery go. How much they affect a person’s psyche and how long the damage can last.

But she’s decided that she will not let any of that affect her. She’s got way too much sunshine inside her for that. She’s convinced herself that from now on, petty people like that will have absolutely no power over her emotions. She just has too much more in her life for some pathetic sociopaths to take away. Aside from the haters, she has so much to live for, so many dreams, so much love to give to those only willing to take. She does not need them- does not need their opinion or approval on how she conducts herself and her choices in leading her life.

All they are is jealous of her. All they want to do is reduce her sparkle and steal her smile away because they can’t handle it. They “pluck her feathers before she can fly” because they envy her charisma and cannot bear to see someone have it all. They underestimate her and fail to comprehend that her spirit is uncrushable. She does not and will not break easily. She channels her memories of laughter here. She has people who know who she is and who she’s always been to cheer her on. Support from unexpected sources and from people in the very same place as her gives her the will to remain as she is and not buckle over. She takes a vindictive pleasure in the haters’ efforts to be as good as her and failing miserably. Other than that bit of contempt that she allows herself feel, she will not pay attention to any of their trash because that is how inconsequential they are in her life.

Times like this are just steep rocky slopes on her way to her pinnacle where the shine she gives off, will draw the world in. She will get through this because she can- I believe with all my heart and soul that she can and for merely having the strength for it, I am so so proud of you!

Maybe if we just don't talk about them, it'll just go away

By Nirmitee Mehta

Living up to ourselves

Years ago, on a bright, sunny day, I remember the six year old version solemnly promising to herself as she sat  on the swing, pondering on the greater things in life,that she would ‘never ever’ in her life,stoop to using ‘bad words’ like ‘mad’, ‘stupid’ and ‘idiot’.Despite her efforts, she did eventually break that promise and used those very words as well as ones far worse. Now to me, they’re just words like so many others I use on a normal basis. Even so, every now and then, I get a little uncomfortable wondering what the young me would think of me when I do so and whether I’m disappointing her.

I shudder at the thought of putting on black nail polish because just about 3 years ago I found it grotesque and ugly. I told every person who listened that I’d never be seen with it on. Wearing it now would be betraying my younger self, wouldn’t it?

Every once in a while[or more often than that] I do a lot of stupid stuff and say things that are a wee bit dumb. I make mistakes every day of my life. After that I laugh at myself about it. Right now I’ve given my future self complete license to be as stupid as possible and later laugh long and hard about it.I can't stop wondering though, what about the younger me?Wouldn’t she feel rather indignant about being laughed at, even if its by herself? As far as she is concerned, I’m a foreign person-someone she doesn't know at all because she has obviously changed a lot growing up, and she could not have foreseen that coming since time and experiences change all of us and we can do nothing to control it. We all change a little every day of our lives.Some words,thoughts and emotions which are so important and epiphanic at the time of their becoming, irretrievably slip out of your mind like a wispy breeze when you and your state of mind changes.

Can we ever be sure of doing the right things at the right time so as not to regret them later?Can I ever know if I’m betraying my younger self or would she be okay with me talking freely about her? Or would she resent me for it? How will I ever know? All I can do is hope she is as cool as I remember her to be xD

For the most part,on the inside-in my mind, heart and soul I think I've grown up to be someone I would have wanted to become and liked. Why, for all you know, if i somehow could meet my younger self, I could have  a girl crush on me now ;)

By Nirmitee Mehta

We Talk #3:The Moth and the Flame

Nirmitee: You're the moth and I'm the flame

Radha: oooh

Nirmitee: I love this line....I didn't understand the context when I first heard it

but now I like:)

Radha: lol you're an idiot

Nirmitee: usually songs talk about you being attracted to someone.But moths are attracted to flame and the other person is the moth and they're attracted to you so its different isn't it?

Radha: lol

you're still an idiot

Nirmitee: Because you're the moth attracted to me,the flame?

Radha:hmmm I think its the otherway round

I'm the flame

Nirmitee: nononononono I wanna be flame......

Radha: be carefull little moth you'll burn if you get too close

Nirmitee: I'm flame itself,I can't get burnt

Radha: hmm then maybe I should stay away.....been singed one too many times...and the warning comes too late

Nirmitee: no...lets both be flames

Radha: then we can play together

Nirmitee: and we can be orange and red and yellow and give off that special scented candle scent

Radha: and burn when we don't like someone and be envied by everyone

Nirmitee: and we illuminate the people we love with a beatiful radiance

Radha: with warmth and love so we might be the hearth saving protecting

:)

By Radha and Nirmitee

The Edge of Sorrow's Blade

          In 10^th grade we did a poem in school called “The Soul's Prayer” which talked about a person wanting to experience every joy, every sorrow- every single emotion that life can mete out.

                   “Spare me no bliss, no pang of strife

                    Withhold no gift of grief [I crave]”

          Why, I wondered then, as did most of my classmates, would anyone ask for so much pain? If you are going to receive what you ask for in full measure, why not just ask for the happy bits and live a complacent life?

          I wondered much the like when I heard a song  where a line went

                   “…And when I’m at the edge of sorrow’s blade

                     Show me how a heart breaks”

          I pondered over the meaning of this line, each successive time I heard the song and my views on it changed gradually, from finding the songwriter raving mad to being more and more intrigued and enamored by the melancholy in the line. Call me a mush but any song lyrics or poignant lines in a book that talk about hearts breaking move me to an almost teary state. Somewhere along the way I’ve starting wanting to feel those very emotions I read and hear of. I don’t know if I’m just being morbid when I think so, but tragedy and the utter……despondency you read about or see depicted in films is rather attractive at times. It draws me into its soul and sifts through my mind until I can no longer think straight.

          Every so often, I think all of us sit with earphones on, listening to a sad song, reflecting on the poignancy in the words, making a music video in our mind about the situation, around it and the part you play in the tragic melodrama.

          Maybe the reason why pain, sorrow, heartache-all of them, fascinate us so much is because all of us want to see how far we can all go, how strong we can prove ourselves to be, until what point will we be capable of going before falling completely apart.

          But we never really will know how much we can bear and how strong we are until we face it, will we? The human spirit never fails to surprise its keepers.A line from the book "PS-I love you" really shows you how, when Holly tells her sister Ciara-If your husband died, you would cope if you had to. There’s nothing brave about it, there’s no choice involved.

          And that’s the way it is, whatever pain that’s meted out to us in life, you learn to cope with it if you have to. Because there’s no choice involved. And because survival is our primary instinct. So really, pain should not scare us that much at all…


-Nirmitee Mehta

Rain Defines Life!

It's raining it's pouring, the old fat man is snoring, he bumped his head into the bed and couldn’t get up in the morning, morning, morning!!! A childhood rhyme that I hear constantly in my head every time I see the rains,  “yes the rains are here, finally the rains are here!”.
This rhyme brings back so many… reveries!  It brings back the love for rain that I’ve felt since I was child! The pitter patter of the drops, the orange hue of the entire atmosphere that threatens to turn grey at any moments, the smell of the ground, the flash of lightning, the roar of the thunder, this one rhyme takes me back to the very greatness of rain!
Another phrase I’ve come to associate with rain is “Pune rains and Pune girls”. It’s a very romantic notion and brings to mind every love story every love scene that has to do with rains…The dark, unaccommodating clouds, a wet girl and a handsome stranger, a love story that we are all secretly waiting for! Rain is something I truly love and I could honestly write odes to it so maybe it’s just expected that for me love of any kind would find all its meaning in rain, especially romantic love! If I love someone I want to love them the way I love the rain, loyally, irrationally, inconveniently, love every imperfection that forms it, love the long wait through summer and winter, a love which even though it annoys me( because how am I ever supposed to travel on the bike when it keeps raining? Rain that’s killing my social life, and making me a perfect couch potato) but even so I love it and I know I should appreciate it because I have waited for it every day and would wait for it every day of forever and all I  know is without it I’m miserable, a love like that, never-ending! Rain defines the basis of fairytales in our harsh world; it takes me back to these words:
   “At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that it’s happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away.”
 …and rain gives me so much faith.
There’s one other thing I love other thing I love about rain, it makes me realize the importance of art and beauty, all I can think of in the rains every time I look at it even when it ruins plans and annoys me is how beautiful it makes everything, how every colour is suddenly so much more vibrant, how green is suddenly the most beautiful colour in the world but then so is every colour that the rain touches! When we study environmental education one of the reasons to save our environment is listed as saving its priceless beauty, I always thought this as a little selfish I mean we should save the environment simply because we destroyed it so now it’s our duty to save it not to feast our eyes! But when I look at the rain I understand, beauty inspires us! And natural beauty has inspired people for eons, inspires to want better from life and inspires art and wouldn’t life be a little less meaningful without art?
And sometimes I forget everything all of this… elaborate meanings, hidden messages, and make my mind blank, cuddle into a blanket and eat something piping hot, like Maggi, in fact I’m going to do that now, maybe you should too because the rain really should be appreciated and made most of it comes only so often.

By Radha Agarwal

Of sweet talking and sweet eating

Chahita: Hi lovely
Nirmitee: Hey sweet pea <3


Chahita: My chocolate cupcake
Nirmitee: My sugarplum

Chahita:My honeybun

Nirmitee:My muffin

Chahita: My strawberry pie

Nirmitee: My apple pie

                  My dairymilk :-P

Chahita: My MOD donut <3 

Nirmitee: My lemon tart

Chahita: My chocolate chip cookie

Nirmitee: My maple syrup covered waffle

              <3

              My nutella crepe

Chahita: My chocolate syrup covered pancake

             My cheese fondue

Nirmitee: My brandy cream cookie

               My vodka pizza :-P

Chahita: Teehee :-P

             My chocolate bomb

             My tiramisu

Nirmitee: *giggle*

Chahita: My Ferrero Rocher cakeeeeeeeee

Nirmitee: My caramel custard

              My cheeeeeeeeeesecake

Chahita: My lindt chocolate :-P

Nirmitee: My chocolate croissant

              My garam garam jalebi <3

Chahita: My roshogulla ;)