Let Go

Let go,

Let go of the old loves that never happened,

Let go of the promises that the new love will never fulfill.

Let go of the witch’s curse and snarky words that you never got to say.

Let go of friendships that don’t feel the same even though you haven’t changed and neither have they.

Let go,

Let go of dreams that never came true,

Let go of beautiful places that you never got to see.

Let go of stories that you never got to say.

Let go of kindness that never got returned.

Let go,

Let go of words almost forgotten and falling flowers that will never come back.

Let go of stories only half-finished and an imagination that won’t fill in the gaps.

Let go of thoughts that never got formed.

Let go of frustrations that make you guilty and are not really there.

Let go,

Let go of children’s tales and tales you thought might be yours.

Let go of the person you used to be.

Let go of the person you thought you might be.

Let go of everything that isn't the future.

Let go,

Because they may come to pass yet again,

Because worry won’t bring you closer to it,

Because while you can still taste it on your tongue you can’t move on, just yet.

Because, letting go might be just what you need.

Just let it go.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after!

It’s the song my mother sings to me every morning. I don’t like it much; it gave me an eerie feeling. I used to joke that she needs to update her song list. She just smiled and replied “it’s a special song; it reminds me of my greatest victory.”

Grandmother has been living with us for the past few weeks, I asked her about mother’s obsession with the rhyme, it seemed to distress grandma, and she said she wasn’t sure, mother had been singing it since she was a child.

A few days later I was watching a movie based on the tragic separation of twins- a brother and sister, the beginning was quite happy but I saw my grandma’s eyes widen at the screen and leave quietly. I followed her out and asked her about what had happened. She looked at me and seemed to make up her mind about something, “I’m assuming your mother has never told you about your Uncle Sam?” I shook my head in surprise. “He is, or rather he was your mother’s twin, he passed away in an accident when they were just twelve years old” I wanted to know everything about him and she also must have wanted to talk about him because for the next one hour she spoke about her beloved lost son. He and my mother had been very close; she was very protective of him. He was at his happiest at the time, he was going to boarding school, his life was just beginning but then the accident happened. I couldn’t get Grandma to talk about his death; I guess it was too painful.

I couldn’t help but wonder why mother had never told me about him. I finally asked her one night, she looked shaken; she simply got up and walked off. I think I heard her have an argument with Grandma later that night. I was hurt. What about this did she feel she needed to keep a secret from me? Mother and I were always close but after father’s death five years ago she has become my best friend. She was my greatest confidante so why did I suddenly feel like she was hiding things from me?

I am leaving for University in a few days; I think this is why grandma has come to live with us. I’m so grateful to her. I used to worry about how mother would get by without me. She is so protective of me, she worries all day long, and I don’t think she’s very comfortable with the idea of me leaving. I know grandma will help mother adjust to our new situation. Last night mother and I started bridging all these gaps that had appeared in our relationship. We went to our favourite Mexican restaurant and over quesadillas and nachos mother finally opened up to me about everything. She was scared I was leaving but she had accepted it. She told me that I will never ever leave her heart, just like Uncle Sam never has.  He used to love to hear her sing, just like me! She sings for him every day, maybe she would sing for me too! I couldn’t help but thinking that my mother is the best!

Tomorrow my life beings anew, University, new classes and friends I can barely contain my excitement. Grandma has gone to my aunt’s house and tonight, one last time, I’m alone with mother. She’s singing “Jack and Jill…” again.
“Mama, what is this victory you always talk about?”

“Oh! I sing this song for your Uncle Sam”
She has been talking more and more about him these days, maybe she is finally being able to think of him with some happiness.
“Was the victory you won…something over Uncle Sam?”
“Yes it was, and now he can never leave my side and this song has everything to do with it!”
I’m getting excited “What song will you sing for me when I go away?”
“Ring around the roses, pocketful of poses, ashes ashes we all fall down, Baby you loved playing to this rhyme when you were young. You will always be a baby for me. I will never let you leave me, my thoughts I mean”.
I beam at her; no one will love me like my mother does.
“Come Baby, put your head in my lap, and let me put you to sleep, one last time.”
I go gladly, and as she fusses over me and tucks me in, I can’t help but stare at her. I remember dad’s words- her heart is as big as her. He loved teasing her about her big frame. I’ve always thought she loves with all her heart. I can feel her love tonight!
She’s singing “Ring around the roses” to me, I’m drifting to sleep, I don’t even realise when her hands creep onto my neck and start pressing too hard. I struggle. My eyes are imploring her to stop. “Baby I can’t let you leave me. You will be at peace after this; just like your Uncle Sam was, after I pushed him down the hill. We would not have been able to bear being apart, this way he never had to go to that horrid boarding school, don’t you see? Even you needn't go to college. You can stay with mama forever”.

By Radha Agarwal

The Words Must be Free

 Sometimes there comes a time when you just want to write, really write, not think, not perfect it, just write something and show it off. That is how I feel just now, except I don't have words, I'm waiting for them, those words, I know they are there somewhere at the back of mind, somewhere in my heart. Those words will get out! I'll make sure they do, somehow this block has to go! Old words inspire new ones and they make me want to write so bad so the words need to come out. They'll grow slowly and be absolutely beautiful, they just need to be nurtured, they need to be given time and then they'll be perfect they'll be there. I want to spread my wings and I want to fly and these words help me fly. They help me become free.So I will write now. Often and every two days. So the words can be free.
Come lets make a new world, let passion carry us forward! Let them touch all our hearts and burn down to the soul. Let them express anything and everything, our thoughts, our nonsense, just us, because, these words make us eternal. 
- Radha Agarwal

Your love

When you  fall in love, do so in a crazy, incomplete, brilliant sort of way!

Like nothing else matters, and then make it into something special. The way I love you, its unfair, its so different from the way I love family, friends, work and passion, I don't know if I love you more, but I do know I love you differently. 

When you're there I want so much more from my life, to make it a little more worthy of you, I'd want to fill it in more, achieve all my dreams and fill as much sunshine as I can into it.. I'll glow brighter so my light fills your life too. Without you, I won't give up because its not what you'd want from me but it would just not mean anything,I'd see every colour in shades of grey!
You colour my every imperfection brighter. I'd forgive your every mistake just so you can make another. Maybe we are too young but you know I'd stand by you through almost anything. You're my strength, till you're there I'll remain standing. I hope I can keep this promise, I hope nothing that destiny throws towards us is so dark that I cannot bear it. I hope you're here so we can grow old together. So I can see you succeed. So I can see your smile everyday. Your smile. Your laughter. Your eyes! You know your my light, without you I'd be lost. I would have never found my way through the fog that had overtaken my spirit. My smile, that was long gone.You found me! My eyes twinkled brightest when I was with you. They still do.

They say we are the cutest couple, I say we fit. You steal my heart with every obnoxious self obsessed monologue. You're words echo in my mind. I remember every time, ever day you've told me I'm pretty. Every time you've  said I love you my heart breathes in a sigh of relief. I still can't believe your mine. I still, can't believe you're mine! I'll remember every walk down the memory lane, that day in the rains, that day I danced in your arms, every conversation, and  touch. I'll remember how you taught me to love more than I thought I ever could. I'll remember how you made me feel like most amazing person on earth. You make every other crush inconsequential. You're my baby, my sweetheart, my quirido, mon ami and the simplest most precious, my love.

Someday I hope the daydream comes true. Someday I hope I'll find you! <3

By Radha Agarwal

We Talk #3:The Moth and the Flame

Nirmitee: You're the moth and I'm the flame

Radha: oooh

Nirmitee: I love this line....I didn't understand the context when I first heard it

but now I like:)

Radha: lol you're an idiot

Nirmitee: usually songs talk about you being attracted to someone.But moths are attracted to flame and the other person is the moth and they're attracted to you so its different isn't it?

Radha: lol

you're still an idiot

Nirmitee: Because you're the moth attracted to me,the flame?

Radha:hmmm I think its the otherway round

I'm the flame

Nirmitee: nononononono I wanna be flame......

Radha: be carefull little moth you'll burn if you get too close

Nirmitee: I'm flame itself,I can't get burnt

Radha: hmm then maybe I should stay away.....been singed one too many times...and the warning comes too late

Nirmitee: no...lets both be flames

Radha: then we can play together

Nirmitee: and we can be orange and red and yellow and give off that special scented candle scent

Radha: and burn when we don't like someone and be envied by everyone

Nirmitee: and we illuminate the people we love with a beatiful radiance

Radha: with warmth and love so we might be the hearth saving protecting

:)

By Radha and Nirmitee

Rain Defines Life!

It's raining it's pouring, the old fat man is snoring, he bumped his head into the bed and couldn’t get up in the morning, morning, morning!!! A childhood rhyme that I hear constantly in my head every time I see the rains,  “yes the rains are here, finally the rains are here!”.
This rhyme brings back so many… reveries!  It brings back the love for rain that I’ve felt since I was child! The pitter patter of the drops, the orange hue of the entire atmosphere that threatens to turn grey at any moments, the smell of the ground, the flash of lightning, the roar of the thunder, this one rhyme takes me back to the very greatness of rain!
Another phrase I’ve come to associate with rain is “Pune rains and Pune girls”. It’s a very romantic notion and brings to mind every love story every love scene that has to do with rains…The dark, unaccommodating clouds, a wet girl and a handsome stranger, a love story that we are all secretly waiting for! Rain is something I truly love and I could honestly write odes to it so maybe it’s just expected that for me love of any kind would find all its meaning in rain, especially romantic love! If I love someone I want to love them the way I love the rain, loyally, irrationally, inconveniently, love every imperfection that forms it, love the long wait through summer and winter, a love which even though it annoys me( because how am I ever supposed to travel on the bike when it keeps raining? Rain that’s killing my social life, and making me a perfect couch potato) but even so I love it and I know I should appreciate it because I have waited for it every day and would wait for it every day of forever and all I  know is without it I’m miserable, a love like that, never-ending! Rain defines the basis of fairytales in our harsh world; it takes me back to these words:
   “At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that it’s happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away.”
 …and rain gives me so much faith.
There’s one other thing I love other thing I love about rain, it makes me realize the importance of art and beauty, all I can think of in the rains every time I look at it even when it ruins plans and annoys me is how beautiful it makes everything, how every colour is suddenly so much more vibrant, how green is suddenly the most beautiful colour in the world but then so is every colour that the rain touches! When we study environmental education one of the reasons to save our environment is listed as saving its priceless beauty, I always thought this as a little selfish I mean we should save the environment simply because we destroyed it so now it’s our duty to save it not to feast our eyes! But when I look at the rain I understand, beauty inspires us! And natural beauty has inspired people for eons, inspires to want better from life and inspires art and wouldn’t life be a little less meaningful without art?
And sometimes I forget everything all of this… elaborate meanings, hidden messages, and make my mind blank, cuddle into a blanket and eat something piping hot, like Maggi, in fact I’m going to do that now, maybe you should too because the rain really should be appreciated and made most of it comes only so often.

By Radha Agarwal

Because They Always Make Me Smile!

Have you ever wondered what you want to be remembered for?
Your work or your life?
You want to go down in history or just be remembered, remembered by those who knew you?
I think I just want to be remembered, just have someone who loved me enough to remember me, to do so, sometimes, fondly, like maybe they'd want me around still, that would be my mark on the world, my friends.
Maybe that’s all there is to life, the people you meet and the things you do. What do you think?
I’ve come to a point in life, where life is so transient, so changeable. Schools over and I can see my friends slipping away and I know that most of them won’t be a part of my life soon, it’s so weird but I’ve come to accept it with resignation...these were people whom my life revolved around for about two years, and soon they won’t even be a part of it but all that’s left is resignation?  Some will of course continue to be a big part of our lives but those are just the treasured ones, the special ones, what about the rest?  Some part of me is waiting for this change so I can know who really matters but a big part is grieving the loss of so many people.  It’s just strange; sometimes I feel if we fight this, don't let life take over and really honestly treasure every person in our lives not just best friends and close friends...but every person who’s ever been there for us, life would be so much easier, so much more worth living. Every person I leave behind takes a part of me with them, what if we reach a point where there's nothing left?  We are running too fast, doing too much at the same time, leaving behind too many people, cant we just slow down?
Every person in my life has a memory attached to them, something special that makes that person mine, they all bring softness to my heart, they are like laughter etched on my face forever, everyone is like a little more life, a little more happiness a little more sadness, a little more of me.
 They say loving someone is giving them the right to hurt you and trusting them not to, somehow I’ve always believed only the first part, because I honestly believe a part of life is pain so they are going to hurt as at some point, but I would love to forgive them, to honestly just accept that no one’s perfect, it’s worth it because they give us so much more! They give us a little more happiness and for that anything is worth forgiving, but then my ego comes in the way; there is this never ending battle that ego and self respect have with friendship. Friendship demands we forgive and forget everything a friend does, as long as they are still friends, still the person you loved, we must accept their faults but self respect demands that we don't give anyone a chance to hurt us again. Commercial principle though isn’t it? You love me as much as I love you or forget about it. It is maybe, a little stupid to keep someone in your life when all they do is hurt you, but it’s just difficult to let go. They all become so special! Actually, I have a theory attached to the word special, anything you say is special, just becomes special (however ordinary it really is!) and you have that tingly feeling in your stomach saying, something just fell into place. So how are we supposed to let go of something so special, with a smile?
Honestly I'm a little confused, but I hope I'll figure it out soon but I feel so out of time, everyone is moving on, and everyone’s moving away! Sometimes I very honestly wonder why we met if it had to end. Why can’t we just meet those people who are our destiny, meant to be in our lives forever? Does loosing have to be a part of life? I guess we just need to focus on now; this fear of what’s to come will just make us loose what we needn't loose. Make us loose our destiny, because honestly how can anyone but true friends be your destiny, how can anyone but them make you smile that way? And they always make me smile ♥

                                                                                           By Radha Agarwal

Why I Love People:)

I love people.
The more people I meet, the more I want to.
Our world is full of people. Different people. We read, we learn but we see just the darkness, it’s what shines through you know? I mean I’ll go to an orphanage and I’ll come back with a story about how it is really corrupt, how the clothes and toys you donate go to waste since they are just used on days when someone comes to see those children and the money goes to the pockets of the authorities but do we remember we go there once, just once, to meet those children but all we do is criticise? Does anyone realise that these children could just as easily have been on the streets, begging for money, at least now, they have some semblance of a home, of an education? Actually maybe we all know this, maybe we feel that though we are too busy living our lives, those who have decided to live it for someone else should do so without cheating,I mean how could they look into a child’s eyes and not give him/her enough money for decent food, decent education and a better future?I guess they do it the same way that, I can go once and promise to go again and never go back.We need to realise that we often contradict our own intentions. Knowing this i can still love people,even if they arent all perfect. Just sometimes we should see behind the worst, see to the minds of the people who steal. It’s a fascinating to try and see where they come from, their story. I’m sure they have one, I’m sure we all do. Whether it’s about an orphanage or a blog. So look behind the darkness a little, or look into it, but look. You may be surprised. I will not go so far as to say the world is beautiful but it’s definitely interesting.


There is so much I want to be, and do in this life, it is people i meet who inspire me. The ones that show me who I want to be. Who I can be. I can’t have every experience in this world. But if I speak to enough people maybe through them I can live a little more than I have, I can understand a little more than I already have and Maybe I can expect a little more than I already do form life, from myself. Just for that even the worst experiences I have with people are worth having.


Everybody has a weird preconceived notion of what is right and what is wrong and frankly that’s the one thing that gets to me. How can you decide what is right for me? Sometimes even I can’t decide what is right for me, but that’s life, trial and error, so live and let live. Be an observer without forcing your opinion on people, and you can learn so much more than you can ever imagine.


So like I said I love people, and the more people I meet the stronger the feeling gets simply because they are all so different and their opinions are so different. I know I am so different with everyone of them, at the risk of sounding a hypocrite, but honestly I think everyone’s personality just reacts differently to everybody else’s. The only way I can see of getting to know every aspect of myself is by getting to know new people.
So get out of your shell, let people know you a little more, so that they can tell you a little themselves, and open a new world for you.

:)

By Radha Agarwal

For Cities ♥

I read a lot, it is a hobby and life lessons and love and everything in between but every time i think of writing there is this one article i think of, it was a feature article based on my city and the authors unexplainable love for it. It's something that absolutely fascinated me, because it suddenly felt that someone understood my unexplainable love for a city or place.
Like Kolkata, I remember the 1st time i went there, it was dirty, it stank of fish, it was so crowded and so humid but then Mr Banerjee, the tour guide started telling us about his city, the pride in his voice the way he looked at it like it was his whole world changed my perspective. The life of the city,its spirit it spoke to me and suddenly I was in love with a city that i knew nothing about. So maybe love was but life and spirit.
I saw a movie yesterday "No one killed Jessica", in the movie Rani Mukharjee...in the role of "Mira" describes her city and her inability to understand it. Its complexity, power and struggle, its majesty comes out in the movie and now i want to live in Delhi, just for awhile maybe, just so i can see it all for my self.
So life attracted life.
Here i am writing from Pune and i can feel the love of my own city in me, its life, its unpredictable moods, its weather changes and life. Its small town touch, its cafes and thelas, its shady roads and and narrow streets. Its dynamics.
So love found love.
:)

By Radha Agarwal