Emerging from dark chasms

“Do you know the last time I felt joy? Chuck had brought me into his darkness for so long, I've forgotten what that felt like”

“You may not be aware of it but it’s not all light and bright in here. There are some places devoid of even a hint of sparkle”

- Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)

Her darkness came from the people around her. She left her old life and came here- came here for more. She came happy and happy she believed she would be for the time she was here.

She didn’t think it to be any fault of hers. Why the people around her had suddenly started behaving differently. All that she could think of was her having gotten close to a single person. For centuries, those a little separate from the others, those not a part of the herd have been viewed with suspicion.

She however did not do anything that would warrant such behavior. To all of them she was nothing but polite, cordial, warm, if a little distant, something that came from her lifelong insecurity when faced with a group of people. The rest of them started by inching away from them and then they were shunned from the group. She can’t remember exactly when the hate started. She’d never seen anything like it earlier. A sunshine protected soul always, never before had such behavior assailed her. The hate comments reverberating in the air all around her were hard enough to take. In the wake of this she drew the only person she was close to, closer still, making in haste and at a bad moment, a choice she would regret, not only by going into something she wasn’t ready for, but also making way for more hate coming her way along with a lot more isolation when that person suddenly removed himself from it all, leaving her— in a mess she’d gotten into primarily because of him- to face the heat by herself.

She maintains a brave front in front of the rabblement. She smiles more often now. People with no idea what’s going on think it means she’s completely happy there- the sound of her laugh echoes the valley. If they only caught her off guard at a moment of desperation when her mind and her eyes feel dead. She remains stoic, ignoring the verbal and literal trash being thrown her way, pretending to the world that it doesn’t affect her one bit, wondering all the time how long can this charade go on? When will the cruelty end? Nobody but she knows how deep the wounds of laughter at her expense and pleasure in her misery go. How much they affect a person’s psyche and how long the damage can last.

But she’s decided that she will not let any of that affect her. She’s got way too much sunshine inside her for that. She’s convinced herself that from now on, petty people like that will have absolutely no power over her emotions. She just has too much more in her life for some pathetic sociopaths to take away. Aside from the haters, she has so much to live for, so many dreams, so much love to give to those only willing to take. She does not need them- does not need their opinion or approval on how she conducts herself and her choices in leading her life.

All they are is jealous of her. All they want to do is reduce her sparkle and steal her smile away because they can’t handle it. They “pluck her feathers before she can fly” because they envy her charisma and cannot bear to see someone have it all. They underestimate her and fail to comprehend that her spirit is uncrushable. She does not and will not break easily. She channels her memories of laughter here. She has people who know who she is and who she’s always been to cheer her on. Support from unexpected sources and from people in the very same place as her gives her the will to remain as she is and not buckle over. She takes a vindictive pleasure in the haters’ efforts to be as good as her and failing miserably. Other than that bit of contempt that she allows herself feel, she will not pay attention to any of their trash because that is how inconsequential they are in her life.

Times like this are just steep rocky slopes on her way to her pinnacle where the shine she gives off, will draw the world in. She will get through this because she can- I believe with all my heart and soul that she can and for merely having the strength for it, I am so so proud of you!

Maybe if we just don't talk about them, it'll just go away

By Nirmitee Mehta

A generation of tech-addicts

          Here I was at the Venetian in Macau and instead of paying attention to the exquisite sights and sounds of the hotel, considered to be one of the most magnificent in the world, I was ill at ease, frustrated without reason and wanting time to go by a little faster. It was the same a few days later in the vibrant, pulsing city of Hong Kong, brimming with new things to see, take in and capture in my memory as well as in my camera, where instead of doing just that I listened to the nagging feeling in my head that was telling me about the number of notifications on facebook, mentions of twitter, bbms, whatsapps and text messages I was presumably getting that very moment. I was partly justified on my birthday when I was curious to see how eloquent and creative my friends would get with wallposts along with the customary greetings from most of my friend list.

           Why all this antsyness? Why the scrambling to check for free wireless access on my cell phone? Why the anger at the hotels we stayed at for not offering Wi-Fi free of cost for guests so I could calm my nerves (SUCH misers I tell you!!) Why do my parents keep berating me for being a tech addict? Surely not!

          Surely I’m not the only one. I just like being connected and being in touch, right? I just like talking to my buds each night and tell them about my day. Shouldn’t I be completely justified in doing that seeing that if I don’t tell them ASAP I’ll forget later, not just to tell them but also in my head, creating a void in my memory.

          Coming back to my original point, why is it so impossible for so many of us to live in peace without having to be obsessive compulsive about our electronic lives? How is it that, if asked what we wouldn’t be able to imagine our lives without, most of us answer cell phone or laptop? Every time I pass a water body or a hole in the ground, I instinctively hold my phone closer and tighter in my hand, unable to imagine what I’d do if it fell down. How did we start letting small boxes of plastic, metal and silicon or whatever it is they’re made of dictate so much of our lives?

          This isn’t one of those superior sounding anti-facebook, anti-technology posts, there are enough of those around and I’d be one to talk, not even being able to deactivate my facebook account for a week in an attempt to study for exams unlike a friend who deactivates her account every time she’s bored. I just want to ask why we absolutely have to be connected at all times. Why can’t we do without just for a few days?

By Nirmitee Mehta

NOTE: This post may or may not have been exaggerated, depending on how desperate it makes me sound ;)

Take me to Vienna

8811 kms.

          If I drive without stopping even once, Google maps assures me that I will reach Vienna in 4 days and 20 hours. This is one trip I’d go on in a heartbeat because Vienna is the city that holds the key to my heart.

          I started thinking of Vienna as more than just another of the many cities that populate the world when I started reading Eva Ibbotson. My love for her writing translated into a bigger love for a city I’d never seen, such was the power of her words and love for the city. Back when I first read about it, visiting Vienna was just a far away dream, out of reach for me, maybe because it isn’t on the “must see” lists of most people, it just made a place for itself on my bucket list.

          Then about 2 years ago when I decided to go on exchange and looked at a list of all the places we’d be visiting on the Eurotour, my dream of visiting this Hapsburg capital, this city of love and music did not seem as far fetched and without it, I began counting the days till I’d be there.

          Was it the rushing back of the knowledge of places I’d read about as memories from a distant life? Or was it the pure joy of actually realizing a wish or dream come true? Or was it our wonderful tour guide whose narrations about the places we saw bringing them back to life? I don’t know what it was but any of them or all of them combined to present before me a golden day, the kind of whose memories when thought back on later in life make you sigh contentedly.

          Looking up at the statue of Maria Theresa, the empress “who made Austria great”, on either side of which the Museum of Art History and Museum of Natural history respectively are situated, I could almost see Ruth from “A Morning Gift” visiting both of them throughout her childhood and returning to the Museum of Natural History when years later to seek asylum from the Nazis. I saw her again when we were shown a typical Viennese house built around a courtyard with a tree in the centre just as hers was and imagined it having been hers.

          I saw Ellen from “A Song for Summer” when we went to Demel’s famous Kaffeehaus where she’d enjoyed Vienna’s best coffee and éclairs. I saw her going to watch a Rosenkavalier gala at the State Opera or the Staatsoper when I was at the same place, going to watch La Boheme.

          Nearby I imagined Tessa from “Magic Flutes” at the Klostern theatre working for the International Opera Company without pay simply because she wanted to serve music.

          My Vienna special moments were mostly an amalgamation of what I remembered from the lives of Ruth, Ellen and Tessa. Maybe that’s because knowing them, having reading them over 15 times each I’ve started carrying parts of them inside me and in this incredible city I became a part of them as they of me and learnt what they knew all their lives living there. Maybe now it’s hard to tell where their memories end and where mine start.

          The one special discovery that I have a claim over in this city is of a little side street called Blutgasse or Blood alley which I immediately stored away for melodramatic moments in future stories.

          Even after all this there is still so much that I have to go back to this city to see and to do- see the Spanish Riding school with the Lippizaner horses, sit on the Prater Giant wheel in the Prater park, take a walk along the Danube, catch a glimpse of the river Wien after which the city is named.

So Vienna my love, take me to Vienna

-Nirmitee Mehta

Secrets Beyond The Shells...

Have you ever wondered how much this Universe we’re a part of contains? Is it a measurable quantity, definite and quantized… Or does it go up to infinity and beyond? How often, during the everyday routine of our somewhat predictable and uniform life, do we think of, or go on a quest to discover, the secrets that lie beyond the shells we’ve created for ourselves?

The first time I acknowledged the vastness of our world was when I came across the existence of the secret society of the Illuminati. For those of you Dan Brown readers, I’m pretty sure “Angels and Demons” rings a bell. To fill the others in with a brief idea, The Illuminati is an Enlightenment-era secret society founded during the late 18^th century. Dan Brown’s renowned novel involves one of the protagonist’s attempts to retrace the steps of the "Path of Illumination", a process once used by the Illuminati as a means of inducting new members; as aspirants were required to follow a series of subtle clues left in various landmarks in and around Rome. Having found the Illuminati a rather gripping notion, I felt but compelled to research more in the field.

The basic concept of The Illuminati is to "enlighten people", or to infiltrate enlightened individuals into their secret society. They have been rumored to aim towards being the most superior in their era. Their objective is to be treated like Royalty – a modern society of Kings and Queens, to be worshipped by the common “non-enlightened” people of the world.

The Illuminati Diamond

The prevalence of the secret society, believed by many to be a form of modern Satan, in today’s era remains ambiguous, but conspiracy theorists have provided a handful of cryptic evidences that suggest their existence even now. It has been proposed that a number of famous people, the most influential in their field of work, have come together and joined forces towards the Illuminati. This has been decoded by the fact that they are known to leave esoteric Illuminati symbols and messages in the work they perform. For example, the famous hip-hop star Kanye West’s “All of the Lights” music video has a still in which a stripper is seen making a “V” formation with her legs while dancing on a pole, framing the image of an inverted triangle, which is considered one of the most profound symbols of the Illuminati. It is also very interesting and obscure to note that the Illuminati has even left its mark on the dollar bill, as is shown below.

A more undaunted testament of their entity was seen during 1995, when The Denver Airport (earlier called Stapleton International Airport) in Denver, Colorado, was reconstructed. There are several conspiracy theories relating to the airport's design and construction. A brave display of Illuminati symbols and paintings depicting one-world government raised the potential of the then-flickering subsistence of secret Satanic societies.

Theorists have also furnished answers for the 2012 prophecy. It is believed that 2012 is more the beginning of the New World Order than the End Of The World. 2012 is when the Illuminati will finally rise from secrecy, and using their mass-destruction tools (swine flu rumored to have been one of them), will remain the only humans on Planet Earth, to enable the perpetuation of a smarter (in their opinion) human race.

But then, of course, these are only theories, the truth could possibly be far from what has been adduced. It's viewpoints and ideas like these that make me want to discover and learn more, to get out of my comfortable space and swim in the river of endless perceptions that lie beyond my little world. It confuses me now, but perhaps, some day when I feel the most determined to do so, I will. :)

- By Chahita Lalchandani

Because They Always Make Me Smile!

Have you ever wondered what you want to be remembered for?
Your work or your life?
You want to go down in history or just be remembered, remembered by those who knew you?
I think I just want to be remembered, just have someone who loved me enough to remember me, to do so, sometimes, fondly, like maybe they'd want me around still, that would be my mark on the world, my friends.
Maybe that’s all there is to life, the people you meet and the things you do. What do you think?
I’ve come to a point in life, where life is so transient, so changeable. Schools over and I can see my friends slipping away and I know that most of them won’t be a part of my life soon, it’s so weird but I’ve come to accept it with resignation...these were people whom my life revolved around for about two years, and soon they won’t even be a part of it but all that’s left is resignation?  Some will of course continue to be a big part of our lives but those are just the treasured ones, the special ones, what about the rest?  Some part of me is waiting for this change so I can know who really matters but a big part is grieving the loss of so many people.  It’s just strange; sometimes I feel if we fight this, don't let life take over and really honestly treasure every person in our lives not just best friends and close friends...but every person who’s ever been there for us, life would be so much easier, so much more worth living. Every person I leave behind takes a part of me with them, what if we reach a point where there's nothing left?  We are running too fast, doing too much at the same time, leaving behind too many people, cant we just slow down?
Every person in my life has a memory attached to them, something special that makes that person mine, they all bring softness to my heart, they are like laughter etched on my face forever, everyone is like a little more life, a little more happiness a little more sadness, a little more of me.
 They say loving someone is giving them the right to hurt you and trusting them not to, somehow I’ve always believed only the first part, because I honestly believe a part of life is pain so they are going to hurt as at some point, but I would love to forgive them, to honestly just accept that no one’s perfect, it’s worth it because they give us so much more! They give us a little more happiness and for that anything is worth forgiving, but then my ego comes in the way; there is this never ending battle that ego and self respect have with friendship. Friendship demands we forgive and forget everything a friend does, as long as they are still friends, still the person you loved, we must accept their faults but self respect demands that we don't give anyone a chance to hurt us again. Commercial principle though isn’t it? You love me as much as I love you or forget about it. It is maybe, a little stupid to keep someone in your life when all they do is hurt you, but it’s just difficult to let go. They all become so special! Actually, I have a theory attached to the word special, anything you say is special, just becomes special (however ordinary it really is!) and you have that tingly feeling in your stomach saying, something just fell into place. So how are we supposed to let go of something so special, with a smile?
Honestly I'm a little confused, but I hope I'll figure it out soon but I feel so out of time, everyone is moving on, and everyone’s moving away! Sometimes I very honestly wonder why we met if it had to end. Why can’t we just meet those people who are our destiny, meant to be in our lives forever? Does loosing have to be a part of life? I guess we just need to focus on now; this fear of what’s to come will just make us loose what we needn't loose. Make us loose our destiny, because honestly how can anyone but true friends be your destiny, how can anyone but them make you smile that way? And they always make me smile ♥

                                                                                           By Radha Agarwal